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How to make caffeinated butter

These days it seems almost everything is caffeinated. After lathering up with caffeinated soap in your morning shower, wouldn't it be nice to spread some caffeinated butter over your toast? Caffeinated butter is easy to make. If you'd like to learn how to make it from scratch, follow the steps below.

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Butter made from scratch involves whipping heavy cream until it separate into butter and buttermilk components. Before we begin, gather the ingredients: heavy whipping cream, an electric mixer, salt, and caffeine powder.

There's really not much to it. In fact, if you want to make caffeinated butter the really easy way, skip this recipe and just add caffeine powder to a tub of softened butter and mix thoroughly.
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The caffeine powder I use in this recipe is from Novus Nutraceuticals. Caffeine is methylxanthine. The quality and grade of caffeine can make a large difference in its potency and efficacy. All Novus Nutraceuticals caffeine is pharmaceutical grade anhydrous caffeine. Included in the bottle is a 100mg measuring spoon approximately equal to 1/16 of a teaspoon.
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Measure out 2 cups of heavy whipping cream and, for best results, let it reach room temperature.
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Pour the cream into a LARGE glass bowl. You really need a giant bowl to contains all the splashing that will take place over the next half hour. Oh, didn't I mention? You'll need about 30 minutes to churn this cream into butter. In these photos I'm timing down from 30 minutes.

Twenty-nine minutes to go!
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Twenty-five minutes to go! No changes yet. Just getting warmed up.
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Twenty-two minutes to go. Cream is starting to get a little creamier.
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Fast forward to 15 minutes to go. The buttermilk is starting to separate from the butter.
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Ten minutes to go and not a whole lot has changed.
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Eight minutes to go and the butter actually begins to turn yellow.
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Four minutes left and you can almost see your creation taking shape. The buttermilk is starting to splatter all over your kitchen.
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It really was getting messy so I grabbed a makeshift splatter-guard without breaking stride.
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Done! Blow the smoke off your mixer. After an insipid 30 minutes, you've successfully made butter!
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Now strain off the buttermilk and save for another recipe, or feed to your cat.
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Separate as much liquid from the solid as possible.
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Squeeze the buttermilk from the solid ball of butter as if you were kneading bread. It's important to get as much liquid out as possible. Buttermilk left in the butter will accelerate spoiling.

Rinse with cold water.
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With as much liquid out of the butter as possible (or as much as you have patience for) you can now begin to add salt. I added one full teaspoon by mixing 1/4 teaspoon at a time until it tasted like butter I normally buy at the store.
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Now carefully add the caffeine. One-eight of a teaspoon adds 200mg of caffeine to the batch of butter in this example. The recipe makes slightly more than one stick of butter. I reasoned that I get about 12 pats of butter from each stick of butter. One "pat" being what I would spread onto a single piece of toast. So, 200mg/12pats = 16-2/3mg per pat.

Your slice of toast in the morning will have about 1/4 to 1/3 the caffeine content of a cup of coffee. Use caution when measuring and adding the crystalline caffeine. Remember that caffeine is a drug and should be used in moderation.
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Now mix the salt and caffeine thoroughly into the butter ball. When you think you're done mixing, continue to mix. Adding such a small amount of dry ingredients to a sticky ball of fat is really impractical, but it's critical to the consistency of the caffeinated butter. You don't want to be surprised by a wad of unmixed caffeine on your morning rye.

That's it. You're done. You can now sample the fruits (fats) of your labor.